shellfish: (Default)
Your name is STALKER ANON and you have stumbled across this journal. Upon your stumble you thought it would be a brilliant idea to stalk this GILL JOY TROLL. But you wish that there was an easier way that would allow you to restart you game with the use of a LOG LIST to stalk everything he has ever done in his life. If only there was such a list that would satisfy your thirsting need to PROWL upon young grubbers.

Hearing your sneaky sneakierness, your fairy god troll waves their magic wand, even though magic is fakey fake, and grants you a THREAD LIST. You are now one step closer to having all of the threads. All the threads. All of them.

What do you do?

shellfish: (Default)
OOC Information:
Name: Shugo "da Leader of da Pupniks" and Duchess of LOSTARC
Are you over 15? Absolutely
Contact: inyourdna on aim if I am online if not, please refer to my plurk; sleepcoast

IC Information:
Name: Eridan Ampora | Edward Erichthonius Argyro
Canon: Homestuck
Age: 13 human years | 16
Preincarnation Appearance: he is a beautiful butterfly gram craker.
Any differences: Edward looks pretty much the same except he's Greek with green-blue eyes and very dark brown hair. The purple streak is gone... for now (See first echo log). Also his face is littered with freckles and he's very self conscious about them so shush.
Preincarnated History: Okay so once upon a time in the land of Alternia, there lived an alien race called the trolls. They were kind and benevolent people, if you consider killing each other kind and stabbing each other benevolent. As the violent of a population they are, the trolls are actually very civilized and organized in terms of society. They are divided between two sub species; land-dwellers and sea-dwellers with the later ruling over the former. In addition to this division, the trolls are also divided into a lowbloods (peasants), midbloods (nobles), and highbloods (royalty). These divisions are based on a hemospectrum, or blood color, with the red, orange, and yellow as the lowbloods. The greens and blues as the midbloods, and the purples and pinks as the highbloods. Typically, sea dweller's are born on the high end of the hemospectrum. Where you rank in troll society has a great influence on your manners and the way individuals act. Eridan is a violet-blooded sea dweller but we will discuss how this affects his personality in the personality section so we're not being repetitive.

Because we're talking about the history of Eridan's life and so, sit yourself down children. This is the story all about how Eridan's life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there and I'll tell you how he became the Prince of Hope 'n flare.

As mentioned before, Eridan is a sea dweller and so he lives near the sea. Not under a pineapple but in a wrecked ship in the middle of the ocean where he's been raised by his sea horse lusus. A lusus, dear readers, is a magical animal deity that takes care of the young trolls until they are able to take care of themselves. They're basically teaching the babies how to not stick a fork in the electric socket and how to not shit themselves. If the babies end up doing that anyways, tough love, they're making it easier to clean up the gene pool.

Anyways where were we? Oh yes, young Eridan was raised (and lived) to his teenage years where he FLARP'd (like LARPing) and collected wands and statues. His interests grew to liking magic, history and it's glorious conquerors (including their romantic life and victories). In fact, he crafted his FLARP character- Orphaner Dualscar, after these conquerors and reaped many a treasures. In fact, his whole HIVE (that's a house in people terms) is littered with golden treasures and loots that he unmercily took from other trolls in FLARP games. In these FLARP sessions, he actually joined up with another young troll by the name of Vriska Serket who, with Eridan's help, killed and orphaned many trolls. Eridan orpahened them for the sake of feeding Feferi's lusus (we'll get to that in a minute) and Vriska killed them to feed her spider-mom of a lusus.

By killing their lusus, Eridan was able to help his moirail, Feferi, feed her lusus. Feferi, who is going to be the next queen of Alternia, has to feed her lusus to keep her voice down. Otherwise the lusus will unleash a horrifying glub that will essentially kill everyone on the planet. Everyone. It would all be very horrible if it happened so it's a good thing Feferi and Eridan are moirails.

But Shugo? What is a moirail you ask??? Good Question young child. I'm not going to indulge too much into troll romance (because that's more of a Karkat player thing) but a moirail is basically a super bff who makes sure their counterpart doesn't royally fuck up or be there for moral support. They look out for each other, complete each other, and essentially become the peanut butter to the other's jelly. The banana to their split. The shirley to their temple. etc. etc. Feferi and Eridan are this. Moving on.

In return for feeding Feferi's lusus, she makes sure that Eridan doesn't go out on a quest for genocide and kill all the land dwellers. Basically she's the moral reason why he won't do what other sea dwellers want him to do because she disapproves of it and he wants to impress her. BECAUSE!!! Wink wink dear readers, Eridan has a crush on Feferi and is hoping to go from moirails to matesprits. (But Shugo what is a matesprit? It is basically like having a romantic significant other where you do nothing but stuff your face with french toast and grow fat and old together and be happy.) HOWEVER, the feelings aren't returned.

The feelings are also not returned (anymore, supposedly) for Vriska, whom he had a kismesis relationship with. (Here we go again, a kismesis is basically the opposite of a matesprit. Instead of being lovey-dovey, you steal each other's French Toast in hopes the other will starve, ensuring that you'll grow old and die happy. Without them. That or you suffocate them with French Toast.) The poor kid has relationship problems and can't hold onto a relationship to save his life. (PSsst, this will come back in play, don't worry.) He's super jealous of everyone's relationship funtimes and is constantly bummed out by the fact to the point where he becomes a desperate douche. (Eridan would be the equivalent of a terrible OKCupid profile who cries that someone friend zoned him when he wasn't even interested in the first place.)

Anyways, cue all twelve trolls starting up the SGRUB game, and Feferi breaks off her moiraillegiance with Eridan. Feferi has had enough of Eridan and being in the SGRUB Game? She doesn't have to worry about him killing all the land dwellers so, she feels like their moiraillance is no longer needed! (That and her lusus? You know? Big scary one that could kill them all? Well she nearly done killed everyone when the game started so, there's another factor.) But she's mostly tired of Eridan's bullshit whining.

Afterwards, Eridan kept mostly to himself during the SGRUB game. He stayed on his planet, THE PLANET OF WRATH AND ANGELS. Although really, it should be the planet of wrathful angels after Eridan systematically pisses every 'angel' off on his planet by shooting them. In his defense, they were scary and they were meant to be shot. Really tho, he shouldn't have been going around slaughtering and slaying them. Admist all the shooting and non-blinking, however, he managed to learn from these angels. He learned how to destroy hope! (THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT, TAKE NOTE.) And it's fitting because as the Prince of Hope (his SGRUB title), he would technically be the destroyer of Hope since Princes are typically destructive/destroyer classes.

After complaining that no one ever visits his planet, he decides to get off his mopey ass in LOWAA and challenges Sollux to a duel. In the Land of Brains and Fire, he and Sollux get their duelin on. (Back tracking for a bit, after leaving Eridan- Feferi became matesprits with Sollux after kissin and reviving him since her lusus kinda... killed him with that glub. Okay, continue-) ERIDAN LOSES THIS FIGHT. To no one's surprise. But this gives him fodder to continue his moody brooding behavior.

Especially after the trolls are chased out of their game by Jack Noir, onto a meteor. Here, he becomes a ticking time bomb in eight number of ways;

1) & 2) he contacts two of the humans (Rose and Jade) and tries to hit them up but is ultimately rejected by both. (Rose blows up his computer, and Jade calls his rifle a Stupid Piece of Shit after he gives her the punchcard to replicate it.)
3)His computer blowing up leads to him pestering Kanaya for a wand. She furnishes it out of old bed sheets
4) He thinks about how they're trapped on this meteor and they're doomed forever so...
5) He decides to join Jack Noir. He's convinced himself that he will live if he does this.
6) But that would make him the bad guy so, obviously someone needs to join him in teaming up with Jack Noir.
7) Eridan approaches Feferi (who is accompanied by Sollux) to join Jack Noir.
8) Feferi says NO, like anyone would and shit goes down.

And shit goes down in the form of accusations flung around and egos rocket punched in the face. This goes on for a good twenty seconds until Sollux decides he's had enough of Eridan's dickery and decides to take Eridan out for good. If he's gonna go to the bad guy, he's gonna get everyone killed. Unfortunately!! Eridan has that wand Kanaya made for him and engages Sollux. It's eye optics vs science wand and the ultimate victor is Eridan as he blinds Sollux (with science!!) and effectively knocks him out for good. Feferi, fearing the worst for her matesprit, charges at Eridan in a fury of hatred. Eridan blows a hole right through her torso with his science wand without even batting an eye. Dumbstruck, Kanaya and Karkat watch on before Eridan turns to them. He blasts a hole through the matriorb (which Kanaya was going to use to bring back their species) and thus destroys all hope for the trolls. (SEE, TOLD YOU THIS WOULD COME BACK!!) In a fit of rage, Kanaya charges Eridan with her lipstick chainsaw, but Eridan finishes her off in the same fashion as Feferi.

He leaves the scene, with Karkat still looking on in an awe of horror, and heads off to confront Gamzee and Vriska (who are having their own bouts of craziness.) The three confront in a mexican-standoffish way and proceed to presumably kill each other until Kanaya charges in as a day walker and stops them all before they can kill each other. Unfortunately, Eridan meets his end here because he is brutally chained-sawed in half.

When people die in the game, they don't really 'die' you see. They just, end up drifting around in these things called dream bubbles where they relive past memories and mingle with others. Eridan's last known appearance was drifting among the dead dreamers through the dream bubbles.

Reincarnated History: Edward Argyro comes from a huge extended Greek Family that gather around for every holiday and celebration into a giant clusterfuck of family good times. Like wow, there are so many uncles and aunties and cousins you kind of lose track of names. Wow, what a giant family. Despite having such a big family, however, Edward is the only child in his parent's house hold and they hardly ever spend time with their darling son. That doesn't mean they don't love their precious jewel of a gem. In fact, they shower Edward with many gifts and usually give him what he wants. Because money equals love, am I right?

Since he's home alone in their suburban house, Edward spends most of his days online like most people his age. Looking up pictures of cats, and funny videos as well as playing his favorite video games for hours on end. (His favorite video games include, Burgerbands Expedition 2, AgeOk- gosh he loves the Good Pawn Stan. Love that guy. He also plays FUN POLICE occasionally but it's only good when you play with close friends.) His other hobbies include reading about the magical world of Beautiful Animals, written by Brad Neely. He's really into the series and has constructed a lego castle based off the castle in the book. Edward is also highly fascinated by aquatic life because his parents gave him this ginormous fish tank full of exotic fishes. This was because Edward wanted a dog but, they said no. A dog is too much work and it would mess up their pretty little house. He secretly wishes for a dog though because you CAN'T WALK YOUR FISH. Well you could but, honey you fish is gonna die.

What he lacks in familial love, he makes up for with his friendships and involvement in school. Edward is the color guard captain during marching band and during the concert seasons, he's involved with student government. He takes up these tasks to delay his time in coming home. When he does have free time, he might be found harassing his friends at their jobs or hanging out with them.

But he opts to hang out with his friends over his family because he's lonely and his family doesn't pay him any attention. That, and his parents are never home so, by hanging out with his friends and getting involved with school he has an excuse to not be home.

His dream is to one day go to the Happy Magic Water Cube in China.

First Echo: When he was getting his first haircut as a young lad, The Argyro's hair stylist made a freak accident with poor babby Edward's hair. She accidentally bleached young Edward's hair when she meant to bleach his mother's hair. Upon noticing her error, she tried to dye it a darker black so that it would blend in with Edward's natural black hair.

Unfortunately, she used purple dye and thus it became irreversible. Edward left the hair saloon with his mother that day thinking "wow i am so cool" and actually thought his hair was pretty neat so he decided to keep it that way. Little did he know, it was permanent. OOps.

Preincarnation Personality: Eridan. Where do I even begin with Eridan? I guess Eridan is like Lord Voldmort's need to be an asshat and Harry Potter’s teenage angst mixed together into the body of a hipster. That is to say he is an insensitive jerk who is trying to deal with what life has thrown at him. Let's pick apart his personality like the seven horacruxes of Voldemrot and combine them into the body of a wizarding teenager.

1) Remember how I said Eridan's place in troll society effects his personality? Well, if you didn't catch the newsflash- Eridan is a sea troll and as a sea dweller, he is ranked highly among the troll caste system. In addition to being a sea dweller, his purple blood also gives him a pretty high status in the violent society of the candy corn munchkins. How does this affect him personality wise? Eridan is very snobbish. And I mean like Dudley Dursley snobbish. The kind that says you plebes are blessed to be walking on the ground I walk on, and you aren't even worthy enough to be the dirt beneath my boot!! Like he takes this holier than thou attitude to the extremes by wishing to slaughter all the land dwellers. But... he doesn't. His lineage is possibly what also drives him into troll militarism history and why he desires to be like the famous troll conquerors. After all, if you're going to be as successful as Trollpoleon Bonaparte, you better remember not to invade troll Russia during the winter or when winter is close. Otherwise, you can't wipe out those peasants of the land.

2) Which leads us to our second point. Eridan could have easily wiped out all the troll babbies. He had access to the equipment, he had the power in his hands to kill everyone on his planet. Literally. Feferi's lusus? Remember that? He could have simply 'forgot' or stopped giving Feferi dead lusus to feed her gigantic lusus that could kill everyone if it raised it's voice above an audible whisper. But he never stopped giving her dead lusus. (And even if he did, there's no doubt that Feferi was capable of getting dead lusus but that's beside the point.) The point is, he was willing to do the dirty work for his friends and make sacrifices. Now, granted he wanted to impress Feferi because he did have an unrequited crush on her but, he was also good teammates with Vriska for a long time! He clearly cares for his friends. I mean when he realizes what a jackass he makes himself out to be, he tends to get very frustrated with himself or doesn't know what to do. Sometimes he punches himself in the head, other times he holds his head in his hands lamenting about what a fuckass he is. (Also I want to point out in his introduction, he held off on doing anything so that Feferi could have her introduction. Wow that's friendship there.)

I mean, he's really not that bad of a guy. If you think about it- why would a guy who hates land dwellers live above the water, near the land??

3) But that doesn't excuse Eridan's actions. He's still a pretty awful person but at least he acknowledges that he's an awful person. If acknowledging it means that he'll admit it and drive the point home so many different ways you begin to wonder if it isn't all internalized or some shit. Eridan loves exaggerating things because he's a pompous bastard. Maybe this is why he has relationship troubles. He loves to act like he's lived under the stairs of some muggle family his whole life and everything is holding him back from being truly fabulous. When in actuality, it's Eridan's attitude and regard (or complete disregard) towards others that makes him pretty awful to the point where he can be overbearing. It's a problem that he acknowledges and constantly tries to seek help from Karkat, Kanaya and the other trolls. Except he expects sympathy from the others and when butt pats aren't received he goes crying to the next person. Really, his own ego and bullshit is feeding his own drama. He's obsessed about it. Really, he's a bit of a tool. An overbearing tool but a tool non less.

4) One thing we need to discuss is how Eridan can be a bit manipulative. I'm not saying that he's the manipu-master. He's actually pretty see through about it and other's have called out on his bullshit or don't necessarily fall for his behavior and attitude. Sometimes, Eridan probably doesn't even realize how manipulative he can be but he's still manipulative.

We can use his relationship with Kanaya as a prime example of just how manipulative he can be and how he doesn't even realize he's manipulating her. Like both of them have crushes on Vriska but Eridan was trying to get Kanaya to be an auspice (once again a troll romance term. It's basically a third person in the relationship that makes sure neither of the trolls get too violent or overpower the other) between himself and Vriska's black romance. Kanaya has been his go to to blab about his bullshit when Feferi doesn't want to listen anymore and they're both pretty cool about it. But, he still tries to persistently use Kanaya in a way that benefits him. He even gets her to make him a cool wand because he says she's once of the nicest friends he has. She obliges, even though the wand is to exact revenge on Rose for blowing up his computer originally. Eventually he offers to help her with the matriorb but, as you can see from the history- that is blown to portions when he tries to get Feferi to join him with Jack Noir.

In a way, he used Kanaya to get his revenge on Sollux by manipulating her into believing that he might not be as bad as a guy as everyone thought he was. However, I don't think he necessarily knew what he was doing other than being hell bent on revenge.

5) Don't forget how stubborn Eridan can be. As noted about, he's hell bent on revenge and refuses to let things be even if it would mean that he's happier. He simply can't get over himself and this, more than anything, is possibly the biggest flaw in his ego that others have pointed out to him. If he wasn't so stubborn on holding grudges, perhaps his manipulation with Kanaya wouldn't have gone as far as it did because he could have been happy having a friend like Kanaya around. Honestly, his stubbornness is like borderline obsessive at times.

But he's also crazy-stubborn about other things too, not just revenge. He was told to stop killing the angels because they were supposed to be helping him. Obviously Eridan did not listen because he was too stubborn in doing things his way.

6) Among the listed things so far, Eridan acts like a pompous cool kid. Like everyone is too good for him when in reality he's a wannabe hipster. He was into FLARPING before it became mainstream, the ocean is too mainstream to live in. Etc. Etc. He wants to be edgy and like 'wow' so cool! But really Eridan is one big nerd.

He likes magic, and evidently wizards, but he believes them all to be fake like an imaginary friend. That doesn't stop him from collecting shitty wands. But seriously, magic has kind of been a driving force for some of Eridan's actions so we can't just ignore his belief in magic. He contacts Rose over magic because he believes she'll teach him about ~*~*~magic*~*~*~. We know she destroys his computer and that he pesters Kanaya into crafting him a wand to use. We also know that said wand becomes powered with his hope powers and he tries to kill people with it.

7) One thing I really want to point out is that Eridan is actually pretty badass. People don't give him enough credit for being a badass I mean. He might not be the leaderly type but he can definitely fend for himself and while, yes, some of his actions are stupid but let's give a brief list of the things that make him more than capable. One, he's able to take out things that are x100 times his size. In his introduction, he shot a whale out of the sky. A motherfucking whale. It's a proven fact that no one visited his planet and yet he slayed a lot of angels there. A lot of pissed off angels were trying to kill him but clearly Eridan made it out alive.

This tough guy attitude who's capable of getting shit done, however, is kind of overshadowed by his other attitude and personality problems. Really, if he wasn't such an awful and stubborn guy, maybe he could be the pleasant badass we all originally thought he'd become.

There, we've got his seven horacruxes of personality. Ego, Loyalty, Overbearing, Manipulation, Stubborn, Credence, and Badassitude. Though unlike the actual horacruxes, his personality doesn't exist as separate instances. If you've been a trooper and managed to truck on through this app, you'd have notices repeated instances where one thing sounds similar to another thing and you'd be right! Everything ties together and he isn't just stand-alone stubborn and stand-alone loyal. All things are like a cause and effect but, these are the things that stand out most about Eridan.

Any differences: Since there are no caste systems, Edward is less egoistic and doesn't wish to start a genocide. Since he's not hyped up on destroying everyone else, he's less into militarism and war history. Like he isn't going to try to kill everyone at STE, trust me. Murder is probably the LAST thing on his mind. The biggest thing that's going to affect Edward's psychology is that he's not in a violent society anymore? I've already mentioned the caste issue but Edward is also not being exposed to mindless killing that is about as normal as breathing air in troll society.

Despite his parents giving him everything he wants- he isn't mean or think he's above everyone. Mostly because his parents don't pay him any attention. They give him everything he wants (or what they think he wants) without question. Which, while he recieves everything he wants, Edward doesn't have to be manipulative to get what he wants which is also a different from Eridan. Because he doesn't have this hidden manipulation, he's generally a lot nicer.

BUT HE'S... still pretty awful. Awful in terms of "you know what would be a good idea? lighting a wasp nest on fire. that'd be a good idea!!" But he also hangs out with awful people so, maybe it all balances out? At least Edward isn't being an emotional asshat who goes to everyone over his feelings. Actually... he's kind of reclusive about his feelings since his parents don't show him any affection he's never really had a chance to sit down with anyone and talk. Instead, he's kind of learned to deal with it himself since his parents don't really care and he assumes everyone else could care less too.

Also pointing out that, hey, Troll Romance is a thing that doesn't exist anymore. So, a lot of his problems that his pre-reincarnation self had? Instantly gone. There's no complex web of emotions or terminology and with this in mind, we can also safely say that his obsession with revenge is gone. He has nothing to obsess over revenge for.

Basically he's becoming your average American teenager who deals with his annoying extended family, struggles to make his parents understand him, and does stupid shit with friends that'll probably end with everyone going to the hospital.

Abilities: There are no fancy powers for Eridan unless you count his Prince of Hope powers and those powers have never really been explained in depth in canon. Mostly it would have give him some kind of powers related to hope or something but for now we are going to ignore them until Homestuck elaborates on them. But what we do know, as far as skills goes, is that Eridan is adept in the usage of guns. Namely his Ahab's Crosshairs (AKA Legendary Piece of Shit) which is like a rifle that shoots electric blue lazer beams. He also gets a wand later in canon but MAGIC IS SUPER FAKE and not real. This could be like his hope powers charged? It was never really explained except that his planet in his session taught him how to 'destroy' hope.

Eridan is also made of tougher stuff since he's a troll like, these troll kids have stayed up for hours fighting monsters and what not and they don't even bat an eye. That is amazing, wow, thank you troll kids. You're the greatest.
Roleplay Sample – Third Person: When the Royal Family announced that the Duchess of Cambridge was going into labor, Edward had dropped everything and opened twenty different tabs in anticipation of the royal birth. He wasn't British but he was just as bit as excited as everyone else watching out for the royal baby. His eyes stayed glued to the TV while his laptop mouse clicked in rapid formation to refresh the many tabs he had opened.

Edward had nothing better to do with his spare time. His parents were out and school was out for the summer. Bandcamp wasn't for another whole month and most of his friends were on vacation. It was just your average lifeless summer day. Or was it?

Hint, it was not. Duh. The Royal Baby is being born. That is neither average nor lifeless.

'Kate Middleton and Prince William are proud parents to a baby boy!'Yet still, Edward stayed attuned to the royal baby news. He even ordered pizza with the special royal baby discount and drank a whole liter of coke. There was no way Edward was going to miss the debut of the royal baby. When the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge finally emerged from their hospital, Edward erupted into applause as if he were actually there. It was kind of sad, he confessed to himself, finding entertainment in the British Royal's new arrival.

Ding dong!

"Finally, my pizza's here. But they're going to make me miss the Royal Baby's debut" Edward mumbled to himself as he grabbed his pants off the floor and jerked them on as he headed down the stairs. He made a quick stop to the kitchen table to grab one of the many crisp twenty dollar bills that his parents left him before continuing towards the door, practically tripping over himself. He had to be quick, they could announce the baby's name any minute! So when he throws open the door and snatches the pizza box and liter of coke out of the delivery guy's hand he throws the twenty in their hand.

"Keep the change! I got to get back to watchin the Royal Baby! Bye!" And promptly slams the door in their face. He makes a mad dash back to his room, just in time to see more aimless picture taking by the press.

"Yes, I didn't miss a thing." Buzz buzz. That's his iPhone vibrating like crazy on his computer table. He picks it after setting the pizza down on his bed, it's probably just another twitter update on the royal baby, he thinks. Edward pushes down on the button, only to see the screen is actually a text from his bestie, asking Ed if he wanted to hang out at his house because he just got back from vacation. Edward groans and debates actually getting out of the house for once in this week.

"Nobody was here this whole week I wanted to do something and now that I'm too invested into this Royal Baby Bullshit, I can't back out. Ugh. This is some royal bullshit," Edward is understandably conflicted. On one hand he wants to hang out with his besties and get out of the house. On the other, he was too invested into the Royal Birth. Decisions, decisions, decisions... He finally decides on something.

He texts his friend; actually can u com ovr? watchin the hrh baby. ive got pizza. help me eat the pizza if nothin else. parnts gone 2. Yes, perfect, bribe them with pizza. Edward really hopes his friend will decide to come over for pizza. He could use the company, and maybe an intervention. But he'll have to wait with baited breath for his friend's reply.

Finally, after what seems like years, his phone lights up again and Edward is simply ecstatic to know that his pal is coming over for pizza.

Roleplay Sample - Network:oh no... no no no no
please don't tell me i'm being blocked
i was just trying to download porn that's all but oh my god i am fucked if im blocked
i dont want to have to call my internet service provider and explain to them a thing.
a thing that happened to be porn,
it just had to be the porn didnt it oh my god.
FUCK me i am so fucking FUCKED
i mean i could just get my parents to call for me but im pretty sure that mom will just leave it blocked or theyre going to do something embarrassin
im just going to have to call our service and pretend to be dad or something and be like
HELLO, YES THIS IS MISTER ARGYRO THE WIFE AND I WERE DOWNLOADING THE NASTY BECAUSE WERE TRYING FOR A BABY BUT REALLY THAT'S JUST A POLITE WAY OF SAYIN WERE HAVIN A LOT OF SEX.
totes wasnt my teenage son, he's a sweet angel, and blah blah parenting bullshit.
oh my god wheres the fuckin phone.
shellfish: (Default)
Player nickname: Shugo
Player LJ: [personal profile] cocanuts
Way to contact you:
Email: moirails[at]gmail[dot]com
AIM: inyourdna
Other: plurk; sleepcoast
Are you at least 15?: Y
Current Characters: n/a

Character: Eridan Ampora
Fandom: Homestuck
Character Notes:
History:As a forewarning, I wrote a lot of Eridan's history into his personality while writing his personality so, apologies for the shortness.

ONCE UPON A TIME, in the land of Alternia there lived little grey skinned children with candy-corn horns called trolls. Their culture is ruled by the hemospectrum caste system which divides the trolls worth in their society based on blood. Like a rainbow, you have red-orange-yellow-green as the peasants, the blue as the noblemen, the purple as the royal-nobles and then you have the one troll to rule them all who has the highest pigment of blood color to determine their right to the throne. But, a simpler divination among the trolls is the fact that some of them are land dwellers (peasantry up to the grandest high blood) and sea dwellers (any troll with fins and gills). Eridan is the later, with purple blood as well as the aforementioned gills and fins.

Because of Eridan's rank, he has always been better off than most trolls because he gets the privilege of terrorizing the other trolls and getting away with it. So a lot of what Eridan does throughout Homestuck is mostly influenced upon this one aspect of his life. The fact that he is a sea dwelling noble blood.

When the readers finally get to meet Eridan, we only get a glimpse of his shoes and thoughts. One could immediately assume he didn't appreciate land dwellers because of the faygo bottle littered upon his beach. But, it isn't until much later does he get a proper introduction along with the other sea troll, Feferi, do we get to learn anything about Eridan. Initially he comes off as a bit of a badass, shooting down a whale that's kazillion times larger than him before galloping away on his sky horse to his hive (a house).

Once in the Hive, it is discovered that Eridan has a fondness for FLARP, a game that is like dungeons and dragons but with the exciting real life experience of being shanked in the ribs or dying painfully. (How exicting!!) He is really good at what he does, having once had the ultimate alliance with Vriska (who turned out to be his kismesis at the time) possibly from her ruthlessness and his intellect on troll tactics from reading the many military history books and fanfics. Eridan is also interested in magic, though he calls it white science because he believes magic is fake.

As mentioned before, his rank in society really does influence a lot of what Eridan does, or the lack of action Eridan takes. For whatever reason, he can't get over the fact that Vriska is no longer in a hate-romance with him and pesters those around him, clinging onto them for advice and some sort of kinship between them. (Ultimately, no one really knows how to comfort Eridan because his emotional needs are kind of high up there.)

When the game starts, Feferi, Eridan's moirail, immediately breaks off their relationships as moirails because Eridan is a big bossy bully who is too much work. Quite frankly, Feferi's had enough of his shit with KILL ALL THE LANDDWELLERS, and absconds the fuck out of there once she realizes that Eridan is no longer a threat to troll kind. (Really, there's only 12 of them left.)

It's presumed Eridan stays mostly to himself throughout Scrub as he complained that no one ever visited him in his planet, the Land of Wrath and Angels. He wasted away the time by killing the 'angels' floating around on his planet but in doing so, pissed them off. (He probably wasn't supposed to go slaughtering the Angels...) But from there, he gained something from the angels- learning how to destroy Hope with their light. (His title, Prince of Hope, fits this because Princes are destroyer/destructive classes.)

Eventually he leaves the Land of Wrath and Angels to pursue Sollux, whom Feferi has been hanging out with. In Sollux's planet, he challenges him to a fight and promptly gets his ass handed to him on a silver platter. He doesn't soon forget this because when the trolls are later banished to the meteor he brings it up relentlessly.

But not before pestering Rose to teach him dark magic from his computer. Their conversation ends with Rose blowing up his computer and Eridan seeking out Kanaya to furnish him a wand to exact revenge on the lilac wench. Sometime after acquiring his wand, he gives Jade the code to the punchcard of his gigantic rifle so that she can use it.

With time, he brooded on the fact that "weh weh it's so hard being a kid, nobody understands him" and decided the best coure of action was to seek out Jack Noir and join his forces. Despite Jack, killing all their dreamselves and blowing up all their planets, Eridan is convinced that if he submits to Jack, he and Feferi will be able to live and win the game. When he comes up to Feferi to present this idea, he runs into Kanaya with the matriorb. He then promises her that he will help her with that but first, he has business to take care of.

Business in the form of revenge. He confronts Sollux and Feferi who are glubbing about feelings on Gamzee's horn pile and tells them his plan. Insults are thrown, egos are hurt, until Sollux decides to stop Eridan's bullshit because he believes Eridan is going to get them all killed by going to Jack. The two engage in a fight using optic blasts and magic wands. WHITE SCIENCE ultimately wins and Eridan blinds Sollux with science, leaving him unconscious. Feferi then attacks Eridan but, in a fit of anger, Eridan blasts a hole through her torso. Leaving one troll dead and one unconscious, he then turns to Kanaya who also tries to stop him with her chainsaw. But, alas, he also kills her too after destroying the matriorb, ensuing all Hope is destroyed.

He absconds to then confront Vriska and Gamzee, leaving Karkat stunned with the three bodies of his comrades. Between Eridan leaving and arriving at the threeway showdown with Vriska and Gamzee, Kanaya somehow revives and enters their fray. She turns to Eridan, grabs the wand and in a fit of vampire fury she snaps it into two, debunking the magic before chainsawing Eridan through the torso. As most chainsaws through the torso wounds will do, it killed Eridan.

Currently he is drifting among the dead dreamers and dreamers through dream bubbles.

Personality: Eridan. Where do I even begin with Eridan? I guess Eridan is like Lord Voldmort's need to be an asshat and Harry Potter’s teenage angst mixed together into the body of a hipster. That is to say he has “some serious feelins and problems here."

But lets spin that wheel of problems and feelings to begin.

Eridan has an overpowering genocide complex. That is he wants to kill all land dwellers to the point where he has made it his sworn duty to do so. It doesn’t help that he is the second-highest blood type in the caste system and due to this high rank, he is a sea dweller. Nor does his nerdgasm for military history and legendary Alternian conquerors help his genocide complex. Instead, they only help drive him to bring about doom everywhere he goes.

However, the reason he hasn’t wiped out all the land dwellers can be thanks to Feferi, his moiral. (Moirails are a type of troll romance.) She stops Eridan from his destructive impulses. Though he does orphan trolls to feed Feferi’s lusus. But it is a sacrifice that must be made to keep her lusus’ voice to a whisper. If it’s voice ever rose above a whisper, with a vast glub, it would destroy wee babby trolls AND their lusus. So at the expense of orphaning wee babby trolls, she and Eridan protect their race from the vast glub.

It may also help to know that Eridan holds matesprit (again a type of troll romance) feelings towards his fellow royalty. He was rejected by Feferi, however, and was left in a complete wreck of emotions and problems after Feferi left him. (She felt he was no longr a danger to their race after they entered the game and dropping the relationship would be the best because Eridan was just too much.) Despite this unrequited relationship, his matesprit feelings may be the reason why he yielded to Feferi from time to time due to wanting to impress her. After Eridan was deserted, he became bitter and jealous. Seeking the attention of other trolls to form some other quadrant relationship with them. (He even goes as far as trying to be Vriska’s kismesis again and tries hitting on Rose in the same attempts.) From Kanaya, we learn that Eridan is a bit of a tool and overbearing on every relationship he forms.

But lets move past Eridan’s sad, pitiable romance issues and move onto his exaggerated emotional theatrics. He is a very emotional kind of guy but sometimes overly exaggerates the situation because he is a bit pompous at times. Although he is able to get serious, going as far as dropping his accent for Feferi to show how serious he was about being committed to the relationship. Though his massive ego and arrogance gets him worked up, his tough façade does crumble when faced by, well, pretty much anything and will sometimes admit that he is a bit of an asshole (he is) or feels like one. This is best seen when he outright insulted Sollux and then felt bad five seconds later when he found out Sollux had died saving Feferi. When he realizes what a jackass he makes himself out to be, he tends to get very frustrated with himself or doesn’t know what to do. Sometimes he punches himself in the head, other times he holds his head in his hands lamenting about what a fuckass he is. And yet still, he actually seeks out help from the other trolls to fix his problems. He’s basically a handful to handle whether you’re his friend or not. All excuses to indulge in more emotional theatrics.

All that aside Eridan is pretty badass. When he is first introduced, he is shown being exactly that by taking down a large whale lusus with his gun (Ahab’s Crosshairs). He is also seen to be an unstoppable badass when he FLARPS (extreme roleplaying) because his respiteblock (equivalent of room) is full of treasure chests of rare prizes, treasure, and even deadly weapons that he has amassed in his many sweeps of EXTREME ROLEPLAYING. In fact, it has been hinted that his hive may actually be a spoil from his campaigns. Amongst his collection also includes statues (presumably of legendary conquerors) and a hidden wand collection in a refrigerator. (Because Faygo is nasty shit and doesn’t belong in your refrigerator, silly readers.) He is interested in magic and wizards but firmly insists he believes it to be FAKEY FAKE FAKE. However, despite this disbelief he is very fascinated with it and also pestered Rose to learn her secrets. (He also later pester Kanaya into making a wand to train him in the ways of white magic. I mean. Science.)

And no, Eri Ampora does not live under the steps like many of you may wish to believe all young wizards live. No, but he also does not live in a castle on a cliff like the noble blue bloods. Instead, Eridan lives in a giant land wrecked ship in the middle of the ocean. Which is presumably a spoil from one of his FLARP campaigns since his avatar, Orphaner Dualscar, is the greatest Petticoat Seagrift troll and conqueror of conquest. (And evidentially really skillful at making orphans out of young FLARPing trolls.) His avatar profile is based off stories of military conquerors and their stories which include their GLORY OF VICTORY, STING OF DEFEAT, POLITICAL MACHINATIONS, and ROMANTIC INTRIGUE.

Unexpected from someone like Eridan is his mythological title in the game which is “the Prince of Hope”. What it means, or what powers he gains from this role is unknown. However, it may not be too far off because despite his massive ego of arrogance, hating all life, and being a sea dweller, he spends most of his time out of water. (Though he claims it is to effectively wipe out all forms of life.)

To kind of match his attitude and everything he represents (read; Harry Potter, Hipsters, Villians, Royal Pain in the Ass, etc.), Eridan dresses very flamboyantly for a troll. His outfit, a mix of Harry Potter, villains, royalty and hipsters, which consists of a purple highlight in his hair, a wide assortment of rings, a high collared cape with a striped scarf and striped pants as well as trendy glasses.

Eridan is also said to have a bit of an accent, what kind of an accent is unknown. However ANDREW HUSSIE has said that he pronounces his double v’s as “w”s. His speech impediment for trollian goes a little like this; a vvery wweird and sort of wwavvy soundin accent. Doubling the vs and ws and dropping the "g" in "ing". He sometimes replaces "of" or "an" with "a". His trollian handle is caligulasAquarium and his font color is the color of his blood. He is also associated with Aquarius.

So let's conclude the wheel of feelins and problems, we've found out Eridan is;

♒ a bit of a tool
♒ has an overpowering genocide complex
♒ has a sworn duty to kill all land dwellers
♒ is overbearing
♒ likes white science (aka fakey fakey fake magic)
♒ Harry Potter, Dear Readers
♒ is the second royal person and number one royal pain in the ass
♒ hipster
♒ speaks with a wwavvy accent
♒ has exaggerated emotional theatrics and induldges in them
♒ admires militant history and conquerors
♒ has serious feelins and problems


Other: n/a
Additional Links:

First Person (entry type): -- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling ducklingDrama [DD] --

oh my gog fef i knoww youre out
and i cant get ahold of you so please check this netwworkin devvice
but today i saw a wwhale
and it was the most glorious thing ivve evver seen in this city
its really big like the lusus wwe used to hunt
and it has horns
a giant wwhale wwith horns fef
contact me back wwhen you get back from wwhereevver
or wwhatevver
just find me
ill be at our hivve by the sea


-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling ducklingDrama [DD] --

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling ducklingDrama [DD] --

the wwhale has been slain
just look at this fuckin thing its bigger than my respiteblock back in alternia
wwe havve enough to feast upon
but fuck if im sharin with you grubby land dwwellers
i dont care wwhat fef says
you should all get your owwn gog damn gut fulfillments


Third Person: The thrill of conquest, when he besieges upon the weak citadels of land dwelling trolls, is to Eridan like candy is to a grubby child. Sweet and mindblowing. How he enjoys reaping the rare treasures and glorious prizes from the undeserving, crushing their pride, their dreams , goals, sometimes their guardians. (He does, however, leave their demise up to his partner in crime, Mindfang.)

The sting of defeat is something he has never felt, and never will because he is a beautiful animal with raw power that cannot be in abeyance within his person, no. He is a conqueror, a troll of militant and supremacy strength. His profile is like that of the idols of history which he closely studies to perfect his arabesque person. He is glorious like his victory.

Except not today.

Today is absolutely the worst day in Eridan’s young troll life. Never has he had a day as bad as this from the time he hatched as a grubby wriggler to this moment. No, today surely takes first place for being the most terrible moment of his life because he appears, from his perspectives, to be in a city that is ravaged by destruction. A city that has met its demise by doomsday measures and has since become a sad empty shell of it’s former days. But it is not the city that makes Eridan grind his ghastly teeth in frustration and scowl like the great people before him in a time of stress. No.

There is all this destruction around him staring him right in the husk. All this destruction in this one single city that he didn’t destroy! Blasphemy! No, bullshit blasphemy! That another troll could exist to wipe out another planet. (He’s pretty sure this isn’t Alternia because the buildings look nothing like the hives of his planet.) Eridan feels so angry at himself because of this. But he feels more angry at the poor sadsack of malarial spew who brought him here to rub their malarial spewin victory all over his face. He balls a fist, bopping himself in the head repeatedly albeit to his frustration. All while disregarding the nearby monsters that creep and lurk close by in the shadows that he’d been fighting up until the moment of realization of his evident failure.

But then, Eridan stops in another moment of apprehension. Perhaps this was a sign. A sign of blackdom. Had he at last finally founded his fated enemy, at last someone who would be linked to him with hatred, and at last the troll who would fulfill one of his quadrants needed during the brood.

At last dear readers, Eridan had found his kismesissitude in this desolated city which only infuriated Eridan (with excitement?) that they had made the first advancement upon him. He felt like saying ‘hurrah, dear readers, I am not a sad lonely glubber after all’ but that is completely absurd. And not to mention silly, after all, it is just him in this city. Him and his kismesis. But his black blush of thoughts was interrupted by a terrible yowel and in a moment, Eridan was back to shooting monsters. This time he shot monsters with all the rage that he could infinitely have in the divinities. It was a scene that was very dramatic like in a movie where the heroes girlfriend dies and he rides off into battle only to die in battle and discover that his girlfriend was a cheating hookie. Yes, this is exactly the kind of theatrical battle that Eridan ensues for with one final battle gurgle and a SHIT JUST GOT REAL pose he points his gun to the gloomy gray sky and shouts as lightning booms across the sky,

“I WWILL FEEL THEIR BLOOD ON MY HANDS! TONIGHT!
shellfish: (swwagger like mick jagger)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

ladies and gentlemen
i
i havve just discovvered possibly the greatest thing you son of beaches havve evver came up wwith on your forsaken planet
thanks to kar
(by the wwavve thanks kar)
i noww knoww howw to use these wweapons to their fullest extend
so i say to my enemies that i wwill encounter on this brand neww quest
bring it on


[VIDEO]

[Eridan winks at the camera and unveils his greatest feat yet. Lo and behold in horror at Eridan's outfit with hundreds of hastily glued/tied on mistletoe. ERIDAN IS ON A QUEST. A QUEST OF ROMANCE. And Eridan, Eridan is simply ecstatic to embark on such a magical journey. A journey which I hope you will all be able to share. And if you don't want to partake in this historical moment for Eridan.... SLEEP WITH ALL EYES OPEN.

Wink, wink, dear readers. Wink. Wink]

[ooc; Open Logs are accepted and encouraged!!!]
shellfish: (where we will do nothing but kiss)
okay lets get this one thing straight neww landlickers
i am king of the lake
it is me
so that means hands off the lake
i havve befriended the deadly creature wwho dwwells in the bottom murky depths
and he is hostile as am i!!
wwe wwill use force to removve you at once if wwe must

begone!
shellfish: (we are karpan and erico)
-- [CCA] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board DOOMSDAY K-9 DETECTIVE AGENCY --

HAVVE YOU SEEN THIS FUCKASS? [The communicator turns on to video to reveal a face so horrible it would make children cry and weep and wish that they were never born to behold such horrid ugliness. That face also happens to be Jack Noir who, might I add, is drawn wearing a trendy purple cape. Cue, the paper pulled away to reveal Karkat and Eridan.

Something seems different about them. HMMMM.
] (THIS IS NOT CUT ICLY, IT'S JUST LONG ASS IMPORTANT SHIT THAT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY READ) )

AND IF YOU DO FIND HIM AND SOMEHOW ESCAPE ALIVE DON'T ENGAGE HIM IN BATTLE. NO SINGLE PERSON HERE STANDS A CHANCE.
right! just listen to karpan and i [Karkat snarls at Eridan]
DON'T CALL ME THAT. THIS IS A NECESSARY DISGUISE. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M FEEDING SOME SICK COSPLAY FETISH LIKE TEREZI AND NEPETA.
but karpan wwere broadcastin this and he could hear us! i mean he cant recognize us wwith these disguises
wwoofbeasts are blind karpan

YOUR RETARDED ACCENT ALREADY GAVE US AWAY.
your nubby horns gavve us awway
THEY'RE MORE INCONSPICUOUS THAN THAT SHITTY DYE-JOB IN YOUR HAIR.
in case you havvent noticed MY SHITTY DYE JOB IN MY HAIR IS COMPLETELY GONE thanks for bein considerate karpan wwere supposed to be pretendin wwere matesprits not kismesis!
...I'M NOT MAKING OUT WITH YOU. JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR.
wwoww karpan im not that desperate cod
I DON'T TRUST THAT.

[Eridan swings a fist for Karkat's face in his fury of pretendy times as the feed shuts off. Oh yes, what was different about Karkat and Eridan? They're wearing Japan and Marco's clothes. AND YOU WERE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CLOTHES, huh Japan and Marco?]
shellfish: (they cry each and every time)
[ Buildings and pavement flash by on the screen in a frequently fast rhythm followed by heavy breathing. Eventually, the screen goes black and all is silent. And then-] Oh cod. Oh cod. Oh cod. He's here! He's fuckin here! [Eridan's face shows up on the screen, his glasses are array on his face and he is clearly out of breath from running. One might even notice some clear purple fluids streaming from his frantic eyes.]

Kar... please, I'm sorry... get the others and hide in Discedo, wwho knowws howw long he'll stick around in Spero. He's here. If he's here and not in our incipisphere it can only mean one thing. It means that he finally found the vveil and the others are dead. Somehoww, and I don't knoww howw, he found us here and noww he's really set on finishin the jo- [ But before Eridan can even finish what he was about to say; a glowing green appears out of no where, and a wet THUNK resounds as Eridan drops the communicator. It lands with a clatter. The screen statics a little with a brief view of Eridan cowering on the ground. And then the thing that's terrifying Eridan shows up on the communicator. Jack Noir.

He then proceeds to put on Eridan's cape like it's some sort of a trophy.
] Help...

[ooc; Eridan will tag back eventually.]
shellfish: (most powwerful baby in the univverse)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

you probably saww wwhat the captain of dumpasses said ([livejournal.com profile] dontcallmegol)
but come on wwere stronger then that
wwere not goin to die and if wwe do boo hoo meteors fall evveryone dies!
if you really are incapable of gettin evven just an iota of food then i wwill reluctantly savve your sorry fuckass just to provve captain dumpass that hes not the only one capable of survvivin in a dump like this

i chose to stay behind because someone has to pick up the slack on these duties concernin angels
so if you are so incompetent that you need protection then go to the fuckin shipyard and ill come find you got it?

im goin to provve that dumpass that it doesnt matter how old you are to do things nor is he the only one capable of bein a leader
hes also not the only one wwho can take life by the fuckin horns
shellfish: (i send my scourge i send my swword)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

oh cod not again wwhat the fuck do you wwant spero!?
i dont wwant to be fuckin saddled wwith the hardest of tasks in the cod damn game again!
its so fuckin lonely

did you havve to bring these awwful angels to descend upon me again!?
wwhere the fuck did you get them from!?
THE LAND OF WWRATH AND ANGELS?!

do you havve any idea howw hard these assholes are to kill
like only a minute of sustained fire from only the legendary wweapon evver and they wwere FAST and ANGRY as SHIT

i had to deal wwith these awwful angels all by myself last time
not this time
you fuckers are helpin me pick up the slack on these angel slayin duties


[ooc; If you're in Spero and want to come across Eridan shooting these angels and pissing them the hell off (i.e. angels chasing eridan). Feel free to action log .D.b And here's the music I'm listening to.]
shellfish: (im netwworkin leavve me alone)
IM A TROLL!!!!

and im collectin cocanuts
just look at howw many gog damn cocanuts ivve collected mudafucks
i am an unstopable mashine and you canot stop me
your stuped soul is rued!
you dont undrstand the wworries of a plain crash survvivver
this isnt like the game of survvivver wwhere you must out last the out casts
do you here me?


I AM A TROLL!!!!!!!!!
shellfish: (like a gay dolphin in the massive sea)
[ Sup Discedo, did you miss Eri? Well Eri has something important to say. Lo and behold purple blood oozing from his ripped up arm which he is desperately trying to hold down onto but with, alas, no hope.]

DONT TRUST TAVV
HE JUST FUCKIN LET THAT SNAGGLETOOTHED RIPPER BEAST HAVVE A PIECE OF ME
HE ACTS LIKE A SWWEET LITTLE CRIPPLE TROLL BUT IN REALITY HES TRYIN TO UPRISE AGAINST HIS SUPERIORS
YOU SNEAKY LITTLE PEANUT BLOOD YOU
oh gog i cant feel my arm anymore

wwhat did you doooo!?!?!?
shellfish: (i send a pestilence and plague)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

oh great glub you just rain in here by the thousands
thanks a fuckin lot scientists
JUST WWHAT WWE ALWWAYS WWANTED
more brine suckers to answwer too
you knoww not that wwere in the middle of a crisis here or anythin
this just provves you cant help but be completely wworthless
thanks for provvin the obvvious!
shellfish: (hoorah he's bought the turkish owl)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

ivve got a troll amber alert here for one karkat vvantas
ill post details beloww but if you havve any information regardin the trollnappin of our leader kar
please let me knoww here
as i am sure the hotline number 1-800-help-my-troll-kid-is-missin wwont wwork seein as none of you are our lusus

he is six swweeps old
i think thats like thirteen in human years
hes a land dwweller with nubby horns and is kind of short and angry
and he has a constant pissed yet constipated look plastered on his ugly mug
hang on i wwill bring forth a portrait of this missin chum


(not cut icly) )

he wwas last seen today after a heated debate on romance
shellfish: (vvalmarts my father & im half dracula)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

i thought i wwould let you knoww
our sandwwich factory
the uprisin douchebag japan
has announced leadership ovver us
its a wworkers strike that i nevver thought i wwould see

im goin to destroy him
or at least givve him a vvery serious case of minor thinkpan damage
at the vvery least im goin to stop him from imposin a neww dictatorship ovver us


emergency postponed infinitely or at least until japan starts showwin signs of aggression
shellfish: (sir your claim has been rejected)
guhhh wwhy didnt anyone tell me this chip removvalin business wwould make you nauseated
i just ugh
sol
hey sol
are you sick too?


> Sollux: You cannot respond! You are too busy throwing up into the load gaper.

ewwwwww dont do that
noww im goin-


> Eridan: You find yourself vomiting into a frying pan. What the hell is a frying pan? You don't know. It is now disgusting.

fuck you eriidan.

[ooc; both Sollux and Eridan had their chips removed and feel a little under the weather. Nothing big will happen until later in the week with Sollux... but it will only affect those within range of Sollux. .D.b]
shellfish: (GET ME THE FUCK OUTA HERE BUTTON!)
[Hello Discedo, please to have an angry troll all up in your business in the form of a video. He is quite angry. And also, lo and behold the life jacket he is currently waving around in a temper tantrum.]

WWHAT THE FUCK DID I GET
is this some kinda an insult
to be sent some life perservvin vvest for wwrigglers wwho cant fuckin swwim
insufferable morons!!
I ERIDAN AMPORA A SEA TROLL CAN SWWIM WWITHOUT THE NEED OF SUCH TOMFOOLERY
beaches and shores scientists
beaches and shores
youre goin to pay for this
mark my glubs because my neww porpoise in life wwill be to feel your blood on my hands
TONIGHT!!


[And it wouldn't be Eridan if this video didn't have a dramatic happening of violently throwing the life vest down onto the floor. Because beaches and shores dear readers, Eridan will not tolerate this tomfoolery.]
shellfish: (holes in your bah-dee)
[ We start our story from a view of an apartment door, followed with some rather ornery chortling from the background. Suddenly the world is spinning as if you're on a circus ride, and you get a nice shot of Eridan's butt chin mug. He looks a little confused and you'll soon see why.]

hey lady you look kind of cold you should get on more clothes
do you want our shirts?
theyre free
you could havve them


[The view whips around again, Eridan is removing his gray shirt and lo ho ho dear readers, there is a lady. A lady with that is dressed in scanty clothes. Her name is none other than Linda. Also known on the street as the Hegemon of Honeybadgers. She looks disturbed, or amused being surrounded by all the troll children. Also, note that the DISCEDO KGB are no where to be seen.

But LO AND BEHOLD, ERIDAN HAS SCORED A PROSTITUTE.

BEACHES AND SHORES.]
shellfish: ((♒) caligulasAquarium began trolling...)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

okay for those of you wwho may or may not knoww
the brainwwashin hot cocoa seducin country crisis has been avverted for noww
the blockade wwill dispatch as soon as evveryone helps movve the furniture back to wwhere it belongs

let this be an example to all mother glubbers out there wwho evven thinks of messin wwith us
wwe may be six swweeps old but wwe pratically havve our owwn minute army
do any of you dumpasses havve minute armies
no
no you dont

that bein said i wwould like further information on CHIP REMOVVALS
i wwould like to put some stock into these things because that wwould improvve our army i suppose
and earn back all the levvels
all a them
if there is a line for such a thing i wwould be wwillin to pay my wway ahead
i havve some vvaluables that i am wwillin to depart wwith

oh and if anyone by the handle
twinArmageddons goes about askin for a chip removval
tell him im in line first and then let me knoww so i can punch him in his bifurcated face

EDIT; on another note dont let
centaursTesticle get his chip out at all
shellfish: (sorcerors stone turns trolls into gold)
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling DiscedoCity [DC] --

anyone knoww of any procedures i can do to removve a tooth
it wwas cracked by some asshole wwho started a fight wwith me
and if i can removve it noww it wwill groww back properly
ill ask again

anyone knoww of any procedures i can do to removve a tooth
notice howw i said i
that means i wwant to removve it
not some shady blanket merchant douchebag doctor
or douchebag cuddy knoww it all
got it
shellfish: (im feelin a lot of stuff right noww)
[ The view provided by the camera is a little shaky and blurry as it is placed on a makeshift stand. And whoever placed it on the stand, soon stands up and makes their way to a makeshift stage that the camera is trained on. Providing viewers with a glimpse of hipster shoes and a flowing cape.

Enter the blobfish on stage.
]

[ The first fish on the scene looks a little like THIS. Two gray hands hoist it up onto the stage and help the fish to bounce along when it "speaks." ]

Glub glub, I'm Feffis)(! Glub! And )(ere are my two dear fronds! Today, we're SWIMMING toget)(er!!!!

[ The next fish is a very hipster-looking fish. You can tell by the fake glasses and scarf. Because why would a fish wear a scarf. Anyway, two more grey hands lift up said blobfish, as Sollux attempts to stop lisping, and to pull off some stupid sort of wavy accent while still lisping. ]

my nameth erifithh and i'm a huge douthchebag w-who hateth ev-verything. glub glub glub.

[ And finally a very nerdy fish that is quite possibly an asshole appears on screen. It's kind of ridiculous, really, who would even look at such a fish?! WHO!? You. Of course. Anyhow, you'll also notice that yet another pair of gray hands hold the nerdy fish up. Eridan attempts to become even more of an asshole and puts on a very fake lisp. ]

and my nameth isth solfishth and im the biggesth assthole that evver did buzz. im too good for fef fishth becauseth im a bee. buzz buzz buzz-

GET ALONG, T)(IS IS BONDING.

[Continued in comment log.]

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♒ caligulasAquarium {Eridan Ampora}

July 2013

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